If you squeeze an orange what comes out? The quick, simple answer is orange juice- it is also the wrong answer. What if I hollowed out the orange and put grapefruit in it? The correct answer to, If you squeeze and orange what comes out ? is simply- whatever is in it. You know it is the same for people. We come in all types of sizes, shapes, colors and dysfunctions. When the pressure of life grows (whether financial, relational or medical, etc.) we discover what is inside us our character. Some people, under pressure, respond by:

• Hiding
• Yelling
• Hitting
• Lying
• Crying
• Denying
  
• Fearing
• Blaming
• Choose your favorite response here ______ing.
  

The point is this pressure will help us discover who we really are. The Bible says
The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? Jeremiah 17:9
I believe only God knows our heart- yet we discover windows into it when the pressure goes up. I challenge you today to watch your behavior under pressure and see where you need to grow. Refuse to excuse you behavior as pressure related and things like, “thats not the real me”. Take the challenge Paul gives us in Romans:
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

Where do you need transforming?

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In my last post we discussed why hurt people tend to hurt people. Troy had a great comment and I thought we should start there (view here). Everyone has a wound and if we are not aware of it or refuse to deal with it WE WILL wound those around us. Let’s start with this passage:

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Luke 6:41-42

I have discovered in my life that too often I wound those in my life who I love the most i.e., family, friends and co-workers.

What do you do with your wounds? Let me talk about what I often do (too often)…

• I deny them and say “no big deal”
• I wound back (my favorite)
• I get angry
• I act hurt (this is embarrassing to admit)
• I gossip

Here is the problem- every one of those responses doesn’t deal with the root- an will only help to infect the wound. And when I do not deal with the root I am in denial and need some honesty. One of the best ways that I have discovered to deal with my wounds is:

Unload honestly to God

Ask a friend for perspective

It is difficult to find friends who will tell you the truth when you hurt- but you better mine (like digging for gold) for them. Their honesty (another wound) will help the healing process if I listen. I have had friends wound me in helpful ways. They have told me

• I was too hard on my son
• I was harsh with my wife
• I am using the truth as a hammer and not a ladder
• I was arrogant

All of that hurts but listen to this verse:

An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend
are better than many kisses from an enemy. Proverbs 27:5-6

This doesn’t mean if you are a friend it’s time to get in the correction business. It does mean that you and I must mine out feedback. If we are to be a wounded healer- we have to first deal with our wounds…

There is much more to this idea… What do you do with a wound?

Please post your thoughts.

When my kids were younger I was the splinter doctor. You know they would get a splinter and someone had to dig it out- tag I am it. I would squeeze their finger and then dig in with a sterilized needle… fun huh- not! There would be crying and shaking and running (and sometimes it was the kids and not me!!!!) Anyway, I remember times they would get mad at me and pull away in anger. They couldn’t get mad at the splinter so they vented at their would be healer. I understood that with kids and also have watched it happen with adults as well. I have been vented on and realize by the end of the discussion- I really wasn’t their problem- it was a wound they never dealt with.
At The Bay (like many churches) we try to create an environment where everyone is welcome and more often than not wounded and hurt people show up seeking the grace and forgiveness of God. Often in their wound they get angry at the people who God wants to use to help them heal. What do you do with that- when someone gets angry and “vomits” their wound, puss and hurt all over you? In my “Hal” way of dealing with it- it’s time for a beat down! “How dare you talk to me in that tone, anger or mean spirit.” And, I have responded that way before- yet I believe and know there is a better way- God’s way. I think this would be good to discuss for a couple of blogs. I have talked with multiple pastors and Christ-Followers who have been “spewed” upon and have been wounded by wounded people. I know that if they (we) don’t handle it correctly they will develop a wound and continue the cycle of wounding. How about you?

Talk to me- Please leave a comment

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