Chris and Vanessa are personal friends and encouragers. I listen when Chris speaks and I asked him to write this guest blog.
There is a war going on and it is happening in back yards, kitchens and dog houses all across America. What war am I talking about? It is the battle of a husband and wife fighting for their individual perspectives while they totally dismiss God’s perspective in their marriage. How do I know that this leads to war? Let’s check out some stats. According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. On divorcerate.org in the year 2012 America was listed as having one of the highest rates of divorce of any country in the world. One of the major causes of separation in marriage is unresolved issues and many of those issues have started because of a collision of individual perspectives. Many couples choose separation as their first option when things get really tough but once a couple separates this is like pre-divorce practice. Separation is like saying “Let me see how much better my life would be without you in it.”
How do we curb this great tragedy that is ripping families apart worldwide? First we need to understand how to regain and reconnect ourselves to Gods perspective on marriage. Let’s take a look at what the word perspective means. Perspective means having a particular attitude toward something; a point of view. So let’s start there.
In many marriage vows we make a promise to God and to one another that we will be by one anothers side for a lifetime for better or for worse. Let me share with you how the clash of perspectives played out in my marriage. While engaged an elderly woman gave me some advice she said “Son in marriage you need to accept the bitter with the sweet.” I didn’t know how her advice would impact my perspective on marriage then but it did stick with me when my wife was ready to leave me in October 2007. I had neglected God’s perspective or His point of view on my marriage where he states clearly in Ephesians 5:25 that I am to Love my wife as Christ Loves the church and to give myself up for her.
I thought that starting and building a business and working hard to bring home income was how I was giving myself up for her. That was my perspective. Her perspective was that even though I was working hard I wasn’t making enough income to take care of us so she was left with little income and no husband. She married me to spend time with me. Can you see why she was ready to leave? Because I was chasing my dream and leaving my team our perspectives clashed for close to 7 years and it almost tore us apart. I remember that night in October humbling myself and accepting responsibility for the sad state of our marriage and promising her that I would change. I then pointed her to the promise that we made to God and to one another in our vows that stated; we would stay married for richer or for poorer and for better or for worse. I also had to make some changes to my perspective and actions by gaining a more financially stable position and spending more quality purposeful time with her. After going through counseling to gain an even clearer viewpoint of Gods perspective we eventually made it through that rough spot. God brought us through this tough time in our marriage and I know that He can do the same for you if you humble yourself and change your perspective and actions to align with Gods perspective for your marriage.
4 Questions for Action To Gain Gods Perspective In Your Marriage
- What is my current perspective of my marriage?
- Am I more interested in fighting for my perspective or humbling myself and submitting to Gods perspective to save my marriage? See 1 Pet. 5:5
- What is Gods perspective for the greatest problems facing my marriage?
- What am I going to do starting today to align my actions and perspective to match Gods perspective for my marriage? See Eph. 5:25-33 : Amos 3:3
About Chris and Vanessa Davis: Chris and Vanessa Davis are Marriage Conflict Resolution Specialists, authors of “101 Ways To have 100% Success in Marriage” and the founders of the Stay Married Movement and are committed to bringing marriages back to Christ. They serve in the Married Life Ministry at Grace Family Church – Citrus Park in Tampa Florida. Chris loves to bowl and golf and Vanessa loves watching good movies.