Do you remember getting into fights as a kid? Maybe the fight was with your brother or sister or a cousin or maybe someone who lived in the neighborhood. Often times, my fights would end or elevate because someone said, “you are not fighting fair.” I always thought that was a dumb statement, because it was a fight and it was about winning- not being fair. Then I heard my (used to be) favorite quote- “All is fair in love and war.” I used that to justify my means to get to the end I called victory. Here is the problem adults: a child may fight that way and lose friends- if you fight that way in marriage, you may lose your marriage. I believe every healthy marriage has disagreements (or some call them fights). The problem lies in the tactical plan. When you have a disagreement and your only goal is to win- you will use whatever means are at your disposal and the relationship gets destroyed. The practice of “fighting fair” must be established in your marriage.
This means a few things:
- The desired outcome is to grow intimacy (and that doesn’t just mean make-up sex… 😉
- Voice levels must be lowered
- Stay away from attacking family and parents
- Here is a verse that you may find helpful
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29
Anyway- those are a few ideas on fighting fair. Plan to come Sunday as we will dive into this topic a little deeper.
you will see some books I recommend on Marriage.