This post is part 3 of 4 posts about how I am praying for me. If you have not read the previous posts you can scroll down or just click here.
The second prayer I am praying is “God ruin me”! I know that may sound strange- it did to me when I first heard it. The longer we follow Christ the more wounds, hurts and setbacks we endure (along with the blessings!). The problem is wounds and blessings, after a while; make us numb . When you add to that all the hurting people we have prayed with and care about, the drain can be overwhelming. To deal with this emotional/spiritual drain we learn to disconnect (in order to cope). There is no way anyone can carry it all- all the time. So we all develop ways to insulate ourselves from the pain. Here in lies my issue or struggle- as a pastor; I can become a disconnected professional. I can pray with people, talk with people and connect with people and yet guard my heart so it is never affected by their pain and struggle. So my prayer daily is now- “God ruin me”, don’t allow me to do ministry and not “weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice”. My guess is, that if you have lived long enough, you have faced the same challenge. Here are some wounds that God is using to answer my prayer (I did not say He caused these):
- A close pastor friend of mine with a serious health issue
- A leader at The Bay struggling hard with a family issue
- A friend close to quitting on his marriage
- Several couples struggling with fertility problems
- A guy walking on God because God didn’t answer his prayer the way he felt God should have.
You may say- “those are issues and problems we all experience” and I would say you are correct. The difference is they are breaking me out of my “me focus” and God is ruining me. Thank you God! Are you allowing God to ruin you?
“God ____________ me.”